Mom Life

Being a working mom is hard. 

Being a stay at home mom is hard. 

Being a mom is just hard, periodt!!!!!!!

Don’t get me wrong. Being a mom comes with a lifetime of joy, happiness and love. Children are one of life’s most amazing blessings. Whether you bear them naturally or need some assistance or adopt. Being able to parent is rewarding. 

But let’s not forget it is also very hard! These little people do not come with rule books or user guides. Legit on the job training that you never seem to really understand. It’s like before you can even adjust and fully understand one concept another hurdle or 5 occur. 

Right now I am working my way through being a Stay At Home Mom. I had been working from the time I had children until March of last year. Prior to my separation of employment with in March of last year, I had discussed being a stay at home mom with my husband for about 6 months. I felt I was missing out on so much with my children and I was burned out at my job. It’s an interesting feeling to hear your child’s first words  or see them start crawling via a video sent to you while at work. 

So finally in March of 2019, I got what I wanted. I officially became a Stay At Home Mom.  bruh its a lot. It’s a job that literally does not stop. I have been doing the stay at home mom thing for almost a year. And I really can’t say which is harder: being a working mom vs. being a stay at home mom.  When I was working I would be up around 5:30  am to be at the train by 6 am and at my desk at 7 am. I would get off at either 3or 4 depending on how the day went. Back on the train and then to my car around 5. Pick up the kids, fix dinner, play with them for a bit then start our bed time routine at 8. Once they were sleep I would clean up, do laundry or finish some work to try to get ahead. Spend a few minutes with the husband and them to bed around 11:30ish all to do it again the next day. 

My days are still full. I feel like I’m constantly moving and I don’t get to bed before 11:30 on a good day. The only difference is I don’t have the work commute. 

My kids are currently 4 and 2. We recently moved and so they aren’t in school. So I try to incorporate some type of learning with them. Which is more difficult than I imagined. See, before we moved, my daughter had successfully completed 3pre-k and almost 1/2 a semester of 4K. So she is used to school structure, work and learning. My son on the other hand just turned 2 in October and was kept by my aunt until I separated from my employer last year. So he is not feeling the school work thing. He isn’t even feeling going to the potty but that’s a discussion for another day. So trying to find a medium that works for both of these differing personalities is a challenge. To do this, I have a plan for the day. 

Some days I succeed. We have a great day, we go over our educational material, do a little coloring for relaxation. I get the house clean and I get dinner ready at a decent time. But other days I am not so successful. I end the day worn and defeated. Everyday Raigan finds something new that I didn’t let her do or didn’t buy her. And Deuce won’t give me 30 seconds to myself. He keeps tabs on me like I’m his child or something lol. We don’t agree on breakfast, lunch or dinner. And nap time and bed time are absolute STRUGGLES. 

I drag myself to into the shower or tub (depending on how much entertaining i have left) for a few moments of quiet. Only to head back to my room and find one or both of them are in my bed sleep under their dad. At this point I have 1 of 2 choices: 1. Wait until they fall asleep and put them in their beds or 2. Find an unclaimed corner of the bed and sleep because morning will be here in no time. 

I recently had my hardest day as a stay a home mom. It was on of those days in which the straw not only broke the camel’s back but also the hip, left wrist and right knee. It all became too much and I lost it. I got the kids dressed in silence, gave them their tablets and then sat in the bathroom and cried. And cried. And cried some more. Maybe I was tired, maybe the cabin fever as a result of being in the house had gotten to me, maybe I was starting to feel relocation blues. Maybe it was everything complied at once.

I don’t know what it was but I was hurt, triggered and felt alone. I tried to get myself together by scrolling social media. But that didn’t help because every other post was about Kobe and his daughter Gigi. So then I lost it again. Was I doing enough as a parent to show my kids they are the world? Was I doing enough to leave my imprint on the world in a positive way?  My brain was running and would not stop. 

I said all this to say, check on your mom friends. They go through a lot of emotions throughout the course of a day. Whether they are working or at home, they often feel like they are carrying the weight of the world but cannot show it. They have to be pillars for the children and resting places for their husbands. Or if they are single parents, they have to be breadwinner and nurturer. It’s a lot and it’s hard. So don’t judge her if she doesn’t feel like it and cancels plans  or if you feel she is pulling out all the stops when cooking dinner. 

Also, don’t leave her out. Even if we aren’t able to make the outing, justing knowing her friends did not forget about her is enough to put a smile on her face.

Everyone needs an outlet and many times, us moms forgo our outlet so we can make sure everyone else in our family is good. But it’s ok to take the time for yourself or else you will be no good for anyone or anything.