The Comparison Trap

I took a slight break. Not intentionally but kinda by happenstance. 2 weeks ago I was admitted to the hospital to have my gall bladder removed. I had figured I would use the recuperation time to bring out a couple posts. Sounds like a feasible plan right. Except I didn’t do anything. It was like I couldn’t bring myself to write. No matter what I did or how much downtime I had. I just could not bring myself to write. I was still maintaining my Instagram. But I didn’t have any content to post.

Then all of a sudden, I got the urge to write. Satisfied with the completing a good portion of a new blog post, I hit save and then went on about the rest of my day. I was on Instagram when I started to feel a sense of frustration. While scrolling, I was thinking through some future endeavors but I was getting frustrated. I put my phone down, grabbed some food and started a good binge session on Netflix. And I did not start back writing for another day. I was frustrated with my writing, I was frustrated with my site; I was just frustrated with everything.

Also, I was in my feelings post surgery. I couldn’t bend over, couldn’t pick up my kids; nothing. Everything hurt and on top of that I was restricted to a low fat diet. (Which I am still on). Fast forward to this past Tuesday. Tuesday’s, Wednesday’s and Thursday’s are my podcast days. So I was catching up on what I missed in the last 3 weeks. Up first, Hashtags and Stilettos by Sakita Holley, episode 43 “Stop Playing Small”. Basically she was listing the main ways she noticed she was playing herself short and minimizing her self. From something as simple as purchasing a new everyday bag to something as major as passing up on attending events or opportunities because she does not feel worthy. Yikes that’s heavy. And I could so relate!!!

But why don’t we feel worthy. Let me rephrase that, why don’t I feel worthy? What exactly is worthy and who controls the narrative of who is and who isn’t worthy? This all goes back to the comparison trap. Because of the digital and social age in which we live in, we have access to information literally at our finger tips. We are privy the personal lives of celebrities, entertainers; even the jock from high school everyone adored. Just about anyone you can think of is either or social media or can be googled. This giving you a front row seat to the happenings of their lives.

But as a wise person once stated, “What’s on social media is just the highlight reel.” Which is the legit truth. Think about how long it takes to take the right picture to post. The lighting has to be right, the angles have to be on point. And occasionally a filter or some re-touches or touch-ups are used to give the photo the icing on the cake. And let’s not forget about the caption.

All of this so our followers can see us in the best light (figuratively and literally). But that makes it so easy to fall prey to the comparison trap. But regardless of what we see, who posts what? How many followers they have or what they have going on; it should not change how we feel about ourselves.

It should not push us to jealousy or the point in which we doubt our own abilities, worth and place in the world. What it should do is push us to appreciate what we have and where we are in life. To see the value in our capabilities and push even harder to be the best version of ourselves. You never know who is watching and waiting for you to fully step into the light. You never know who is admiring in the distance, using you as a template for how they move and operate in the world.

After listening to that podcast, I must say I felt a bit lighter. Once I got the kids in bed, I pulled out my laptop and started working. I promised myself that I will make an active effort to avoid the comparison trap. If for no other reason that my own mental stability.